Tuesday, October 18, 2011

I flunked sex ed. Not kidding.

You read that right.  10th grade...Goddamn bitch of a gym teacher who taught "Human Sexuality" as it was called.

Initially I was happy about learning about sexual things related to males and females because it meant I got a 6 week reprieve from gym class.  Sit there and smirk to my friends as the teacher explained menstruation...ejaculation...Male penises...and (shhhh!) "vaginas"....

I pictured myself raising my hand as she used scientifically correct language to describe sex stuff...Maybe I'd ask questions like, "You mean a boner?" or "I don't know what menstruation is...perhaps you mean 'Riding the cotton pony'?"..."Would you say those breasts are A or B cup?  You know, if you were to hypothesize for scientific reasons."   Funny material like that.  The class would break into uproarious laughter as the teacher stood stewing...red faced...

Anyway, imagine my surprise when the class was less about sexual genitalia and how it was used...and more about biology and crap.

I sat at my desk pissed off as she pulled out anatomical models of our pieces parts...then said we needed to remember how to label parts aside from the sexual parts.  Like, the bladder for instance.  Uh, what the fuck is that?  I thought it was supposed to be a sex class...not biology...

Added to the workload was a 3 ring binder we were to keep organized with all assignments, tests, and labeled diagrams.  Perhaps my teacher thought it would come in handy when we were ready for sex.  As though we'd 'cram' the night before we thought we'd get lucky with a date.  Sitting with my "Human Sexuality" binder...doing anatomical drills while pointing to the sex parts..."Goddamn it Trina!  You'll never get a date in college!  That's the gall bladder dumbass!"

Anyway, we were instructed to keep it organized to turn in at the end of the unit.  Which I did...Keep it organized...or so I thought.

I missed a couple days of class because I was violently ill.  Apparently forgot to include those makeup assignments in my notebook...and that dumb bitch gave me an "F"...I mean, it was just a part of my total "Physical Education" grade, but still...I was mortified.

"Trina flunked Sex Ed."  My mom called my relatives to share a good laugh.  Thank God word didn't get out to my social circle at school...

Actually kept it a secret until now...So there you go.

Outta here!


  1. lucky you ... the day we got sex ed. we did not get to see one single boner or vagina. Not even a pubic hair. We got to read the Book of Job !!
    Catholic Schools are SO much fun ! NOT !


  2. Dominica - HAHA! Was it all about Adam and Eve?