Thursday, November 17, 2011

I'm intrigued by this episode of Fantasy Island...

Do you guys remember this episode of Fantasy Island?  The Mermaid one?

Being the naive kid I was when I initially saw this episode, I was all, "Aw, sweet.  He's in love with the mermaid."

Now as a learned adult, I have some general observations as well as questions regarding this story.

First, I want to say I so know he saw some serious mermaid boobage right?  I mean, they were frolicking amongst the coral and all in the beginning.  Her hair had to have swished away from her chest, right?  And that embrace as they kissed?  Come on...Her nips had to have been as hard as diamonds from all that swimming.  I also noticed his cheeks were puffed as he held his breath under water.  Aren't you supposed to be able to breathe?  Kind of far as swimming with mermaid scenes go...

How did they get to that rock they were leaning against?  Did he drag her there?  I guess she isn't one of those "Develop a fin when my legs get wet" types.  Or maybe I'm confusing Daryl Hannah.  He seems pretty chivalrous so I'm going with the "Dragging the fish" theory...

And his breathless, "That was an incredible experience! Unbelievable!" Who describes a date as an "experience"?  He sounds as though he just test drove a sports car don't you think?

And I want to knock that phony "tortured mind" look off his cranium...I found myself thinking, "Dude!  She wants to put out!  Why so glum?  What's a little skin pruning?  Catch some tail!  Literally!  Go!!!"

She's a bit of a whorish mermaid too I think.  Did you see how she said, "When we become 'one', you will be a merman..." I didn't catch a wink after she said that...Would have been cute and flirty I think..Like, she wanted to keep him guessing whether she meant "after coitus".  I guess his swim trunks were too tight to remove for this jaunt, and maybe she's reminding him, "Hey if I'm swimming nude, so should you you freaking nincompoop..."

And that cheap kiss at the end.  She's a total tease.  If I were his friend, I'd just advise him to double check on the "Return Policy" so to speak.

I don't remember how this ends...Maybe I'll check out Part II....

Outta here!!!

Tuesday, November 15, 2011

Tilt A Whirl

Ok, not a lot of time for a lengthy post today...but it popped into my head that I really loved the Tilt A Whirl.

Like, I thought I was a master at making it spin at maximum torque-isity.  Is that a word?  It is now.  It's the only way I can describe the physics behind this ride.

The key was shift your weight left or right...but wait!  You have to do it just as the Tilt Whirl chair thingy ascends or descends.

And if you got it just right?  You'd spin so quickly your passenger would look a bit dazed...maybe even a little green behind the gills so to speak.

I've never vomited on this ride either.  Those people should just retire to the Scrambler in my opinion.

Get out of my way and let me work this thing already...I'm a Tilt A Whirl aficionado.

See ya...

Tuesday, November 8, 2011

"Can I clarify her remarks?"

Yesterday I had to haul both of my young children to a doctor's appointment.  The office was especially busy and we wound up sitting for awhile in the exam room.  

After about 30 minutes of telling my kids "Don't touch that!  Yuck!" my 4 year old decided he needed to pee.  All three of us came out of the exam room and asked a receptionist where the restroom was.  She pointed to a door right across from where she sat.  

The bathroom was a single "Family" restroom.  As my son sat to do his business my daughter noticed an emergency pull cord.  She was extremely curious about it.  

"What's this mom?" she asked pointing to the red "PULL FOR HELP" cord.  "It's a thing you pull if you need help."  Naturally she wouldn't drop the subject and prodded further, "Well, what kind of help?  Why would you need help in the bathroom."  I said, "Because some people may not be feeling well and if they need help, they pull the cord and a nurse will come."  "Well, what will the nurse do?" she asked...

By this time I was getting annoyed and decided to close the discussion by telling her pulling the cord would cause fire sirens to go off, lights would start flashing, and a giant nurse would come tearing down the hall, kick down the bathroom door and run out with her over her shoulder...her bare butt showing to fellow patients in the waiting room. 

This of course prompted laughter from her.  Funny until I decided I needed to pee, that is.  

As I sat she proceeded to pretend she was pulling the "HELP" cord and yelled at the top of her lungs, "WE HAVE AN EMERGENCY HERE!  MOM HAS DIARRHEA AND LOTS OF GAS!  PLEASE HELP US GET OUT OF HERE!!!!"

I mean, so loud there was no way the receptionist didn't hear it.  And of course now we spent enough time in there waiting for my son to finish his business that it was quite plausible for people to believe I was the cause of the restroom hold up.  

Oh, and I couldn't find the receptionist to clarify what really went down.  You know, to kinda smile and say, "Kids and their 'poop' humor."  or "I just pee'd I don't have diarrhea and flatulence as you probably heard."  Or maybe I should have come out and announced, "Dang kid!  Took long enough didn't ya'?"

But then that sounds a little defensive right?

Outta here...

Monday, November 7, 2011

Herding Cats

So the other day I was pondering life and remembered when I saw this ad.  I thought it was hysterical..

Behold....and enjoy