Wednesday, September 14, 2011

Food I reckon I'll crave when I'm old as crap...




So the other day I was checking out a the grocery store and this elderly woman placed her stuff on the belt next to mine.  I glanced down and took a mental note of her inventory:

Tea Biscuits (2 boxes)
1/4 pound of deli ham
Cottage Cheese

Interesting.  Well, to me it was...because it got me thinking about what I'd likely eat when I'm older than dirt.  So, behold...for your enlightenment...Food I think I'll (eventually) like:

Deli Ham - Because I think I'll take a cue from the elderly.  They all seem to love their deli ham, right?

Brach's Peppermints - My grandmother always had these and I always thought they sucked.  But maybe my taste buds will mature...or maybe they'll dead so those god awful things will just keep my mouth busy.

Cottage Cheese - I think I'd eat this at lunch.  With my deli ham on the side.  I'd probably bitch about the curd size.

Apple Sauce - Not a huge fan of apple sauce but I'll bet it's ok as a side with my cottage cheese/ham combo.

Nutter Butter Cookies - Again, another staple at my grandma's.  I liked these cookies as a kid so I'm sure as an old fart I'll continue buying them.  If it ain't broke don't fucking fix it, right?

Grape Nuts - I don't know.  May be hard on the teeth but I just don't envision myself saying, "Goddamnit!  Out of Lucky Charms!  Fuck that!"

And given I'm an aficionado of spirits, I think I'll continue with my favorite libation:  Gin.

I've been told it's an old lady drink so I guess I'm ahead of my time.  I do love my gin, so there's that.


Outta here...

9 comments:

  1. If gin is an old lady drink, then goddammit, I'm an old lady.

    I suppose it's all about the soft foods when you're older.

    Though my batshit crazy great grandmother bitched about my mashed potatoes being "too soft" last Thanksgiving.

    Twat.

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  2. Smedette - "Twat" I love that word...hahaha!

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  3. When I'm an old lady and I order a quarter pound of ham at the deli counter I'll say, "And can you slice it really thin dear?"

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  4. Bacon. By the slab. And not that turkey bacon. Or the low sodium shit.
    Real. Fucking. Bacon.

    Probably followed up by a handful of chocolate chips. Since I can't stop my salty/sweet obsession.

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  5. Kendall - I'm adding your bacon/chocolate chip idea to my list...

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  6. Dominica - I think I'll make really stiff gin martini's or something...or drink from a paper bag directly...but only in private.

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  7. Zibbs - So you're saying you'll be a pain in the rear, but will be so nice people won't mind? I'm on board with that...

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  8. Yes. And I'll then whisper to the guy, "And can Nana have a little taste?"

    And he'll hand me a thin ham slice and I'll eat it. Then give him a wink and a thumbs up while looking over my nana bi-focals.

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