Wednesday, September 14, 2011

Food I reckon I'll crave when I'm old as crap...

So the other day I was checking out a the grocery store and this elderly woman placed her stuff on the belt next to mine.  I glanced down and took a mental note of her inventory:

Tea Biscuits (2 boxes)
1/4 pound of deli ham
Cottage Cheese

Interesting.  Well, to me it was...because it got me thinking about what I'd likely eat when I'm older than dirt.  So, behold...for your enlightenment...Food I think I'll (eventually) like:

Deli Ham - Because I think I'll take a cue from the elderly.  They all seem to love their deli ham, right?

Brach's Peppermints - My grandmother always had these and I always thought they sucked.  But maybe my taste buds will mature...or maybe they'll dead so those god awful things will just keep my mouth busy.

Cottage Cheese - I think I'd eat this at lunch.  With my deli ham on the side.  I'd probably bitch about the curd size.

Apple Sauce - Not a huge fan of apple sauce but I'll bet it's ok as a side with my cottage cheese/ham combo.

Nutter Butter Cookies - Again, another staple at my grandma's.  I liked these cookies as a kid so I'm sure as an old fart I'll continue buying them.  If it ain't broke don't fucking fix it, right?

Grape Nuts - I don't know.  May be hard on the teeth but I just don't envision myself saying, "Goddamnit!  Out of Lucky Charms!  Fuck that!"

And given I'm an aficionado of spirits, I think I'll continue with my favorite libation:  Gin.

I've been told it's an old lady drink so I guess I'm ahead of my time.  I do love my gin, so there's that.

Outta here...


  1. If gin is an old lady drink, then goddammit, I'm an old lady.

    I suppose it's all about the soft foods when you're older.

    Though my batshit crazy great grandmother bitched about my mashed potatoes being "too soft" last Thanksgiving.


  2. Smedette - "Twat" I love that word...hahaha!

  3. When I'm an old lady and I order a quarter pound of ham at the deli counter I'll say, "And can you slice it really thin dear?"

  4. Bacon. By the slab. And not that turkey bacon. Or the low sodium shit.
    Real. Fucking. Bacon.

    Probably followed up by a handful of chocolate chips. Since I can't stop my salty/sweet obsession.

  5. Kendall - I'm adding your bacon/chocolate chip idea to my list...

  6. Dominica - I think I'll make really stiff gin martini's or something...or drink from a paper bag directly...but only in private.

  7. Zibbs - So you're saying you'll be a pain in the rear, but will be so nice people won't mind? I'm on board with that...

  8. Yes. And I'll then whisper to the guy, "And can Nana have a little taste?"

    And he'll hand me a thin ham slice and I'll eat it. Then give him a wink and a thumbs up while looking over my nana bi-focals.