Saturday, August 13, 2011
The day I became Dorothy Hamill
It happened in 1979. I had long hair. Watched this bitch spin on the ice and decided I had to have hair that moved like hers.
So I cut my hair. Like Dorothy's.
What I didn't take into account was the quantum physics behind her hair looking so good. She was an Olympic skater. She executed serious torque in her spins which in turn made her hair move as pictured above.
I had metal roller skates. Couldn't quite spin as fast. I asked my brother if my hair was "like Dorothy's" as I clumsily made a 1-revolution-per-minute circle on my skates...waving my arms to keep my balance as I attempted to bend backwards so the hair would kind of flow outward.
My brother laughed and said it looked like a mushroom.
I proceeded to grow it out. Dorothy really pulled a fast one on me, didn't she? Fuck that haircut.