Monday, July 11, 2011
The time I got kicked out of a Crappy Craft Camp...
So I guess my mom at some point during the summer was really getting sick of me and my brother fighting and signed us up for a so-called "Craft Camp" sponsored by the local elementary school. I think it was five mornings from 9 to 12 noon...
My brother and I rode our bikes there and walked into the craft room where the teacher greeted us. Her name isn't even worth remembering because I hated crafts. Didn't want to be there. I mean, who the hell concentrates on a craft for 3 hour spells? Bullshit.
I attended the class the first two days and kept my mouth shut as I was instructed on the art of loop pot holders...A pot holder whose unfortunate user would have 2nd degree burns after first use....Oh and there was a mail collector...A clay monstrosity with a crude pocket that I guess you'd hang on the wall to drop collected mail in. Only mine weighed about 20 pounds so it'd have to be anchored on a non weight bearing wall....And who wants to display their mail? Weird.
Then came Wednesday. We walked in to our room to tables piled high with yarn. My brother and I kindof shrugged at each other and sat down. What the hell was this craft? I was tingling with anticipation....not.
The teacher smiled as she instructed us how to make our shit craft of the day. She gleefully held a 6 inch styrofoam ball, draped it with yarn. Tied it taught around the ball...then proceeded to partition the yarn into three sections and made a long fat braid. Glue on googly eyes, and "Voila!" ....a worm.
I sat incredulous as I gazed at her finished product. A flipping worm. My thoughts then went to, "I'm not making a worm. This is dumb. Who makes a worm out of a braid? Morons, that's who. This is crap. I'm suffocating...I need air. Must escape, but how..."
I glanced over at my brother who was equally appalled. Then raised my hand. She looked somewhat surprised as she pointed to me and said, "Yes Trina?" I began..."Is this an earthworm or a catepillar? I find the design of this worm kind of confusing. Do worms really have eyes? And do you have brown yarn because I've yet to see an orange worm. I'd like to ensure I portray the species accurately."
She looked somewhat surprised but knew I was pointing out the folly of her crafty ways. "It's just a creative craft, Trina. How about you start clipping the yard into strands and we'll just..." I interrupted, "But Ms. (whatever her name was), can I opt out of this craft and begin on Thursdays project? I just am not into braiding yarn." My brother sat giggling as her face began to turn red.
She replied, "I don't think I care for your attitude today. How about you and your brother leave? You're disrupting my class...Actually your attitude has stunk all week, so how about you and your brother gather your stuff and not return."
So we left. Spent Thursday and Friday riding bikes and enjoying Jolly Ranchers at our local 7-11 so mom didn't know.
I hate crafts....