Monday, July 25, 2011
"Pass the chips, will you?"
My aunt came to visit us in Colorado one year. As was the usual deal, we'd drive our guest to Estes Park. My mom and dad would gather all six of us kids and load us into our crappy van for the ride.
We all got into the car and drove two hours to enjoy the splendor of the Rockies. Majestic. Beautiful...
Then mom says this to my sister:
"Heather, you're in the back there...can you please pass up the Doritos?"
Heather: (no reply)
Mom: "Heather? Did you hear me? Pass the chips..."
Me: "Mom she's sleeping."
Mom: "Wake her up. I want some chips."
Me: "Ok." (Look in back seat) "Heather isn't here."
Mom: "What do you mean Heather isn't here?" (lifts up newspaper resting on floor between seats to see if Heather is underneath)
Me: "I mean she's not here."
My other sister Kim: "Oh yeah mom...She's at home. She was pooping on the toilet and I told her if she didn't hurry we'd leave her."
Mom: "JESUS CHRIST!!! TURN AROUND! QUICK! GET HOME!!! GODDAMMIT!!! KIM YOU'RE GROUNDED FOREVER!!!!"
Did I mention Heather was 4 years old? And the year was 1979? And cell phones had not yet been invented?
She was fine by the way. Stayed home and pigged out on Girl Scout cookies...I think they were thin mints.
I was actually just happy I didn't have to spend another endless afternoon in Estes Park...rode my bike instead...enjoyed some Doritos.