Thursday, February 24, 2011

These should do nicely...

Growing up, my sisters and I found ourselves envious of our friends' underwear.  Not in a weird way, mind you. We were just embarrassed by what we were confined to wear.  Granny pants.  My sisters and I  also affectionately referred to them as "Spank 'em pants", "Underbibs", ...Ugly and huge.

Even though we were young, I think my mother had it in her head that any underwear with a waistband lower than chest level led to a slippery slope of deviancy.  At least that's how I rationalized her forcing us to wear undergarments that looked as though they were purchased at a nunnery thrift shop.

We longed for the fancy stuff.  Maybe a Smurf or Garfield with colored elastic trim...A dancing Snoopy..or "Day of the Week" underwear where the day was embroidered on a cloud shaped patch on the hip....those were my personal favorite.  Would have killed for those actually.  My friend had them...I even remember thinking through a plan to keep her Friday underwear if they were forgotten after a sleepover.

New sets of underwear were generally allocated at the beginning of every school year.  After shopping for shoes and clothing, mom would stroll over to the yellowed bin where shrink wrapped 6-packs of comfy cottony goodness were displayed.  "Size 8 now are you?" she'd ask with a fixed stare without looking up.  Before I could reply, "Yes, but can I try those over there?" she'd grab the package and head to the register.  "These should last you" she'd say as though I should be happy my brand new underwear will last me through the harsh winter months....Fabulous....

The worst part about wearing these buzz kill garments was having to change in front of my friends.  I even remember in Junior High we had to wear gym uniforms for class.  We'd go into the locker room where I'd try to change as quickly as Clark Kent in a phone booth so none of the other girls would ask my why I wore my brother's underwear.

I mean, really. They were so fucking huge...I could have volunteered to carry books in them.  Or maybe cover an injury victim to keep warm...prevent them from going into shock....hero for a day. Then maybe I'd have more fond memories...No, probably not.

Just awful.



  1. Ha. Just read it again. Cover an injury victim!

  2. Isn't underwear fun? I did an underwear post recently too :-)

  3. Zibbs - They were just...huge.

    Darius - I didn't know you had a blog! Now following, thanks for the link!

  4. Trina, I'm assuming you rebelled when you got older by not wearing any right? (please say yes, please say yes...). Again, your posts have reminded me of yet another sorry moment in my childhood except ours was with dad picking out our sneakers. It was aweful. I'll save it for a post though.

    BTW, I have a blog also. It's been dromant for a couple of months, but you've inspired me to put one up yesterday. Hope you like it.

  5. Ha. Patrick you're TONY A! I was wondering who you were. (Discovered but just going to your blog) Why the name change?

    (Trina he's an old TBY follower/commentor. Old school.

  6. Patrick...haha..."I'll never tell"...I just found your blog and am following...You must be a Spinal Tap am I...rabid. Looking forward to reading...Thank you!

  7. Ugh...I always got the cartoon underwear and look how I turned out! haha

  8. Zibbitty Doo Da: Yep, I'm Tony Alva alright. Recently moved my old personnal email to Gmail and setup a proper account (to take advantage of iPhone Exchange, calender, contacts, etc...). Actually, I forgot Google aquired Blogspot and made us Blogspot folks link out blogs to a Gmail account. Once I set up my new Gmail account with my real name, I deleted the old account. A couple of weeks later and much to my horror, a friend alerted me to the fact that my blog was GONE! It took a sleepless night and most of the next day working with Google to restore my old account and my blog, the end result being having to maintain two Google accounts.

    BTW, am now a Twitter followers of yours and Father Kelly. Once Howard Stern started tweeting, I could no longer hold out.

    Trina: Re: Spinal Tap... Not a line in the whole movie I don't have memorized!

  9. Darius - I'll check out your post! haha...

    Peggy - Want to come for a sleepover? Yeah yeah, just leave 'em in the corner...over there..they'll be safe...haha!

    Patrick - "But these go to eleven!" don't get me started....haha! A fellow Tap fan! I already liked you but that is great!!!!!!