Thursday, February 24, 2011
These should do nicely...
Growing up, my sisters and I found ourselves envious of our friends' underwear. Not in a weird way, mind you. We were just embarrassed by what we were confined to wear. Granny pants. My sisters and I also affectionately referred to them as "Spank 'em pants", "Underbibs", ...Ugly and huge.
Even though we were young, I think my mother had it in her head that any underwear with a waistband lower than chest level led to a slippery slope of deviancy. At least that's how I rationalized her forcing us to wear undergarments that looked as though they were purchased at a nunnery thrift shop.
We longed for the fancy stuff. Maybe a Smurf or Garfield with colored elastic trim...A dancing Snoopy..or "Day of the Week" underwear where the day was embroidered on a cloud shaped patch on the hip....those were my personal favorite. Would have killed for those actually. My friend had them...I even remember thinking through a plan to keep her Friday underwear if they were forgotten after a sleepover.
New sets of underwear were generally allocated at the beginning of every school year. After shopping for shoes and clothing, mom would stroll over to the yellowed bin where shrink wrapped 6-packs of comfy cottony goodness were displayed. "Size 8 now are you?" she'd ask with a fixed stare without looking up. Before I could reply, "Yes, but can I try those over there?" she'd grab the package and head to the register. "These should last you" she'd say as though I should be happy my brand new underwear will last me through the harsh winter months....Fabulous....
The worst part about wearing these buzz kill garments was having to change in front of my friends. I even remember in Junior High we had to wear gym uniforms for class. We'd go into the locker room where I'd try to change as quickly as Clark Kent in a phone booth so none of the other girls would ask my why I wore my brother's underwear.
I mean, really. They were so fucking huge...I could have volunteered to carry books in them. Or maybe cover an injury victim to keep warm...prevent them from going into shock....hero for a day. Then maybe I'd have more fond memories...No, probably not.