Thursday, January 26, 2012
I got detention once...
Yeah...I did...8th grade. "Why?" you ask? I'll tell you why...
My mom decided all her kids were going to start taking Shaklee vitamins. Ever heard of them? They were these giant green horse pills. HUGE. And for some reason my mother bought a family sized bottle and decided all of her kids would take them.
So I did. Took me 10 glasses of water to swallow the damn thing. Disgusting.
Fast forward to my Home Economics class around 9 a.m. I needed to pee. Badly. I raised my hand to ask for a hall pass to the restroom. My teacher obliged. Swear to god...I got back from peeing and not even 5 minutes later? I needed to pee worse than the first time I asked for the pass.
My teacher looked at me and asked why I needed the pass again..."I need to use the restroom again." I said all red faced and embarrassed...So she hands it to me again.
I pee'd. I came back to class...needed to pee AGAIN...I kid you NOT! It was incredible. That friggin' vitamin! I could have swore my mom gave me a diuretic. Anyway, this time I was too embarassed to ask again. So I crossed my legs and tried to think dry thoughts.
But I couldn't. I had to pee. Badly. I actually debated whether it was worth going home early with wet pants rather than ask for the hall pass again in front of my classmates. No, Nope...can't hold it.
So I slowly approached my teacher..."Uh, I'm really sorry. My mom gave me a Shaklee vitamin this morning and something in it makes me need to go to the bathroom a lot. Can I have the hall pass again?" That bitch didn't even look up and replied, "Only if you agree to detention after school tomorrow."
HUH?! Detention? With all the low lifes and ne'er do wells? Are you shitting me?
I had no choice. I opted to pee.
Had to work on my pot holder after school the following day.
And a heartfelt "Thank you" to Shaklee brand vitamins* for sponsoring this fabulous adolescent memory.
(*Just read Shaklee has now branched into cleaning products. I smell a scam here...)