Tuesday, March 8, 2011
We've got nothing for you Trina...
You know the drill...Placemats, mugs, keychains...with your name. As though there was a person who held up the trinket and said, "Now THIS looks like something a "Jeff" would like!" then proceeds to print Jeff's name on the item.
I remember my first dose of non-Trina reality when I was in kindergarten. My mom went shopping at Kmart. There in the middle of housewares was a rotating display with placemats. A buttload of them....with names. For some reason, the thought of having something with my name on it really got me jazzed. And so I rotated the display, carefully studying the names, "Tina, Tricia, Trish, Tracey, Tamara..." No 'Trina'. Oh, but there was "Katrina"...May as well call me "Kathy"...Close? Yes, but no cigar.
I became somewhat fixated on finding something, anything, with my name emblazoned on it. You could have handed me an oil drip pan with "Trina" engraved on the bottom and I would have been flipped my lid with joy. An oil pan, ridiculous, but I also know if they did make monogrammed ones, you'd never, ever find one with my name.
Every time I was out with my mom I found myself checking keychain displays, mugs, magnets, mini license plates. I'd get excited with anticipation as I'd slowly turn to the 'T' section and go through the same agonizing search...Jack diddly squat.
I used to ponder why my parents gave me the name "Trina" in the first place. I was the first born...I guess they thought it was special. "No, no...Not 'Katrina'...let's be more progressive than that..." I envisioned my mom saying. Maybe they had high expectations for me that I would break the non-Trina monogramming glass ceiling.
No, maybe my name was just fucked up. Like the companies who made the custom stuff at one time got my name as a potential candidate for a "(enter any name in the world except 'Trina')'s room. KEEP OUT!" type of sign. The CEO scoffing as he reads it...then says, "Who the hell has the name 'Trina'? Add a 'Ka' to the beginning please...get it right for god's sake." Someone has their ass handed to them for even suggesting it.
When I was finally old enough to drive, I convinced my dad to allow me to put 'TRINA' on my license plates. I was so psyched as I went to the DMV to order them. Finally. Something with my name...I will have arrived. I went to the custom license plate computer and entered, "TRINA". The response? "Plate already taken. Please try another." Every combination of "TRINA" I could think of was taken. Awesome. I understood why though. Those girls named Trina wanted something with their name on it too. I felt their pain.
To this day? Nothing...Yes, I still look. I'll let you know if I ever find anything*.
*No suggestions of ordering custom stuff. I'm talking about merchandise on demand...in stores.