Monday, March 14, 2011

Things I thought were cool, but probably weren't...

Here are a few things I thought added to my coolness factor when I was a kid:

I used to like roller skating.  No, put the visual of white leather skates with a stopper to rest.  I liked it more dangerous than that.  Metal skates.  Ones that were adjustable by loosening a wingnut.  You'd wear them over your sneakers.  Mine just didn't seem fast enough so I snuck into my dad's WD-40 to grease the skids so to speak.  My neighbor used to say, "Wow, Trina!  You're a daredevil! SO FAST!" as I raced downhill.  You know how those ski jumpers pose just before they take off from the platform?  All bent at the knee? I'd do that...

I liked riding my pink bike with a denim banana seat over plywood ramps.  Did I mention the chain guard read, "Sweet and Sassy"?  It did.  Anyway, I was always trying to catch some that how you say it?  Glide across like a professional BMX-er.  Pretty dumb.  I didn't even have a dirt bike.  Lame.

I orchestrated neighborhood parades.  Yep, sure did.  I'd make all the neighbor hood kids pull out their wagons, big wheels (green machines were preferred), bikes...We'd tell our parents a big parade was coming down Sherwin Circle...Get out your lawnchairs cause it's gonna be great.  I remember one year dressing my sister and brother as clowns.  I used upside down Ohio State pom poms for their clown hair.  Yep, I did that.

I liked rolling up aluminum foil and placing it across my teeth.  Like braces.  I thought my friends looked cute with braces.  I wanted them...I actually needed them.  My parents kept taking me to dentists until they found one who said I didn't need them.  But I digress.  I loved braces.  Girls who had braces in Junior High climbed to the top of the "Most Beautiful and Popular" list.  The best foil to use for faux braces was Wrigley's gum wrappers by the way.  By today's standard's I was actually creating a grill, but no one knew about those back then, did they?

I was good at making fart noises with my armpit.  You know, how you place your palm in your pit and then pumped your other arm as its bent at a 90 degree angle?  Really, it was a hoot.  My siblings will tell you I was the best.  I thought that was cool too.

I went through a rhythmic gymnastics phase too.  I wasn't good enough for the real flippy, bendy stuff.  I felt rhythmic gymnastics looked pretty easy by comparison.  I especially loved the ribbon on a stick deal.  You've seen that right?  The girl does all kinds of pretty poses and dance moves as she twirls the ribbon?  I fancied myself like that...Only I used toilet paper.  Would it have been to much to ask for some standard ribbon?  Probably not...But if I was lucky and the toilet paper came in a pastel color, I felt it made a nice substitute for the real deal.  Floated through the air quite nicely.  Only downside was it tore pretty easily if my leg caught it during a spin on my mother's linoleum floor.

I'm sure you have a few of your own things you thought were cool.  Right?  Come on, out with it!  Make me feel a little less weird.



  1. Of course we did crazy crap like this, it was the '70s and we had to use our imaginations. I did the bike ramps thing. I have the scars on my knees to prove it. I remember pulling out pellets of asphalt from them.f
    I put on musicals. Meaning the neighborhood kids would sing to whatever cassette tapes they brought. Except we recorded over the music and had to send everyone home before the big finale of us all singing "Crocodile Rock."
    Not exactly sure how I turned out straight, but I am.
    I wrote a play called In Search of: The Black Diamond (because I liked Leonard Nimoy's weird TV show, and the song by KISS) that was a sort of James Bond ripoff but I couldn't get Susan, the hot 12 year old on my block, to play my love interest. Even when I drew on a saucy pencil mustache.
    I had more fun recording fake interviews with my sister like we were Johnny Carson and some made-up guest, usually a zookeeper with a monkey (a hand puppet)... eventually the pitch went haywire and all our voices sounded like chipmunks, which made it even better. I wish I still had those tapes.

  2. Tommy - Did you ever try to do Cats? That was a good one and everyone could easily participate. And fake interviews...HAHA! Saucy Mustache..OK, dying over here....

  3. This guy <------ had hammer-pants

  4. Caleb - haha! Hammer pants...I went thru a Madonna phase.

  5. Sweet!

    I also learned to dance and sing all of Ice, Ice, Baby.

    I hoarded snacks.

    Also, when I was in 1st grade, I had my aunt shave lightning bolts into the sides of my head and I would put different colors of food coloring in their each day.

    THAT, was cool.

  6. I had those skates! Even had a key! Then, I got gold glitter boots, the kind with the big stopper on the front, and tasseled pom-poms. I wore them to the rink to prayerfully get asked to couple-skate (never did) with my Gloria Vanderbilt two-toned stitching jeans, and a monogramed sweater. HoTT. In case you couldn't guess, I was a kid in the 70s. Did learn to backwards skate to The Village People, though.