Did you know I was the master cinnamon roll maker in my house? It’s true. I’m sure you’ll be amazed to know I made them every single Sunday before church.
My foray into cinnamon roll making started in Home Economics. Do they even teach that course anymore? I don’t know. They did when I was in 8th grade. Learned to sew crappy potholders and maybe even an apron, but cooking was my favorite.
One day we walked into class to find a can of Pillsbury biscuit dough at each of our cooking stations. The recipe was pretty straightforward:
Preheat oven, melt stick of butter in pan. Dip biscuit in cinnamon/sugar mixture, dip in butter, re-dip in sugar mixture. Place in pan. Bake at 350 degrees for 12-15 minutes. Enjoy!
The cool part to me that was not included in the recipe above was the presentation. Very carefully with a paring knife, a ½ inch slit was cut in the middle of the biscuit disk. You’d then fold two sides of the circle underneath pull them through the center. You did this before baking the dough. The end result looked not unlike what many of us know as a clitoris.
Sure, my dad smirked when I initially made them at home. “Why are you laughing Dad?” I’d ask innocently pulling out a tray of bubbling baked cinnamon sugar clitori. “Nothing, they just look like belly buttons.” he’d reply. It was only later I realized the source of his laughter. We were all eating vajajay rolls. Coated in sugar. Baked with love to a delightfully sweet and light goodness.
They did taste good. Probably would still make them if I could keep a straight face. If any of you host me I’ll bring them over and we’ll share a good laugh.
Jesus Christ I need help.