Oh, you shouldn't have. Really...

I happened to be innocently watching the evening news last night when I was visually and mentally accosted by an ad for Vermont Teddy Bears.  I tried to find a video clip but they were all pretty poor quality.  Just as well because I wouldn't subject my readers to this revolting display of love.

I can't believe people would in all seriousness give this shit as a gift!  I wonder how the man decides which bear his woman is worthy of receiving...Does he call up Customer Service and say, "Yeah, uh, I love my girl and stuff.  Speaking of 'stuff' you sell stuffed bears right? Cool because she's been mad at me since last summer when I didn't win a 6 foot dog for her at the state fair."

So behold.  A few offerings for you and your main squeeze from the Vermont Teddy Bear company (spits up in mouth just a bit)....

For the woman who has everything, including enough chocolate and jewelry (that kind of girl exists, right?), there's the "Hunka Love" Bear:

Isn't it sweet?  No.  It's not.  And she's on her BED with it!  EW!  Look how she's hanging all over it!  God!  STOP IT!

And what the shit is this?

Oh yeah, thanks.  If you decide to snuggle honey, just remember I'm the one without facial hair!  I mean, after I wax I'm the one without facial hair.  I mean, it may be the bear.  Just remember the bear is smaller.   ..Anyway, thanks for the dress alike bear.

And for those into sexy and cute?  Voila!

So sensual how she's posing with what I guess they call "Bad Ass" Bear.  I wonder if he comes with beer nuts.

Ok, this is about all I can stomach....Seriously bad.

See ya...