My Christmas Sweater...

You know those Christmas sweaters...the super tacky ones.  Maybe a wintery scene with a Snowman and his 'family'.  Or a red one with cascading embroidered presents and snowflakes.

I was thinking I'd like a Christmas sweater.  In fact, I might even be inclined to wear one on the condition I get to design it myself.

Let's start with the overall design.  I think the cardigans tend to be a bit slutty with their open front.  So I'd like mine in a bulky baggy turtleneck style.  Will show fellow holiday revelers that I may enjoy Christmas but that I'm not a whore.  Kinda says, "Hey pal, this ain't no traditional Christmas cardi...I know I look hot...back the eff off."

Around the neck I think I want those big ass lightbulbs from the 70's....but in an embroidered replica. But they'd have to kinda hang off the bottom of the folded down turtle neck part.  Underneath would be concealed wiring so the tiny LED's installed in each faux 'bulb' could light.  I'd do the traditional green and red lighting for that part.

Let's move on.

In keeping with the Christmas lightbulb theme I'd have a giant embroidered LED lit Christmas tree on the front.  Under a plastic snow globe...Yeah baby...It'll be "Dry Clean Only" but imagine the kid's faces when they see Aunt Trina's chest snowing.  Priceless, don't you think?

Oh, an additional detail...since carrying the approximately 2 cups of liquid in the snow globe would weigh down the front, (that would look just ridiculous) I'd install a tube not unlike a blood pressure do hicky that would feed into the interior of the sweater and down my right sleeve.  Pump the bulb to create a blast of air that would in turn blow the white confetti around the tree.  Sweet...

The back of the sweater I'd keep pretty simple because as much as I'd like a snow globe there, it would be nearly impossible to sit back in a chair.  So I think I'd just do more strands of Christmas light bulbs.  Like the ones around the collar.  Lit up...LED style.

I know what you're thinking, "Lots of wiring and gadgetry in this sweater Trina but sounds way festive!"

I knew you'd agree.

See ya...