My best Halloween Costumes...(in my own mind)

This year I decided to make my kid's Halloween costumes.  Sewing...as in...with a machine...a pattern.  The works.  Dinosaurs...Mac Daddy costumes...Seriously looking good.

Anyway, as I've worked on this project I of course begin reminiscing about costumes I've had as a kid.  And I can honestly say most were so fucking dumb I'm a little embarassed to talk about it.

But here we go...

Pumpkin - A giant pumpkin...went from my neck down to my calves.  As though having a giant pumpkin costume doubled my Halloween fun.  My mother gave the pumpkin extra volume by stuffing it with newspaper.  Looked nice as long as you didn't plan to walk door to door for trick or treating...in the rain...and wind.  I lost a ton of candy inventory that year because I couldn't run as fast as everyone else...all the while, wet newspapers falling out the bottom of the costume.

Included in the get up was the 'stem' part.  It looked kind of like a ski mask...but was made the fabric equivalent of Brillo pads.  Exfoliated the entire upper epidermis of my face and neck...Come to think of it, my face could use it now...

Pumpkin with cowboy hat -  Yeah, so I wasn't on board with the stem from the pumpkin costume as described above, so the next year I decided to omit the stem and leave the pumpkin unstuffed...then wore a brown plaid flannel shirt and a cowboy hat.  You've seen plenty of cowboy pumpkins, right?  I know, "Dumb. As. Dirt."

Witch with her Frog - This festive costume included a super scary rubber witch mask.   It could only be worn in 10 minute intervals before you gagged on your pulmonary exhaust that began coagulating in the non breathable interior.

Somehow I thought my brother's Kermit the Frog with its velcro hands and feet would make the perfect accessory.  He rode on my shoulders...arms and legs velcro'd around my neck.  What the fuck, right?  Yeah....

Black Cat - I think I may have looked hotter than shit in this costume.  I made my sister wear the pumpkin costume that year.  I felt like a sleek glamorous starlet trick-or-treating with Willy Wonka's Oompa Loompa.  I'll always appreciate my sister for helping me stand out that year...

Cheerleader (7th grade) - Ohio State Cheerleading outfit.  First time I was asked to slow dance by a boy...so that was cool...or something...

I'm sure there are more costumes I could think of, but those are the ones I remember the most....

See ya...