I was a bridesmaid...once...

Yes, I was....Complete with turquoise satin dress with a bow and dyed to match satin pumps (insert audience gasp here..).  It would be an understatement to describe myself as appalled but it was my sister, so I had to do it.  Because this wedding was so ridiculous in its theme, decor, not to mention 'Bridal Party' fashion, I constantly found myself laughing at the entire ordeal.  We had the bridal shower where my sister, who never cooked in her life scored a $300 gravy boat.  The cheesy wedding collage frames, crap stamped with their names and the wedding date. I mean...really?  A vase where you can insert your wedding picture?Maybe I'm just too surly...

Anyway, the day of the wedding finally arrives.  My sister requested all bridesmaids (my 2 other sisters and myself...) get their hair 'done' at one of those awful department store salons.  You know, one of those joints where all the old ladies come out coiffed with blue hair?  Guess what...I refused to go.  I had short hair at the time and all I could think was coming out looking like Doris Day and having to pose for pictures with god awful hair.  I rebelled and didn't show up for my designed time and styled my own hair... My other sisters, who were afraid of my sister's wrath went... They both showed up at the church with corkscrew curls dangling from their "Gone with the Wind" updos.  We looked at each other and nearly died laughing, but had to keep our composure for the "Walk down the aisle".

We kept it together and stood at the front of the church as my sister made her grand entrance.  She made her way to the front of the church and we proceeded to sing some hymns...you know, the churchy stuff.  So my sisters are on either side of me and it suddenly occurs to me to replace the word, "God" with "Dog" in all hymns and prayers.  I sang it loudly, chanted it proudly as though nothing was out of the ordinary.  My sisters started to laugh, but I kept my composure.  Soon, there was a break in a song and my sister let out this huge gasp of laughter that resonated through the entire church...I mean, the Pastor even gave us an evil eye... I could also feel the warmth of my mother's laser eyes in my back as she knew I was up to some kind of antics to make my sisters laugh.  The more hymns we sang, the louder I sang, "Dog"..."In Dog's name we pray"  "Praise be to Dog"...I don't know. Maybe I think people take weddings too seriously sometimes...Needless to say, as much as my sisters laughed at my antics at that wedding, I wasn't asked to be a bridesmaid ever again...Thank god!!!