Tuesday, November 8, 2011

"Can I clarify her remarks?"

Yesterday I had to haul both of my young children to a doctor's appointment.  The office was especially busy and we wound up sitting for awhile in the exam room.  

After about 30 minutes of telling my kids "Don't touch that!  Yuck!" my 4 year old decided he needed to pee.  All three of us came out of the exam room and asked a receptionist where the restroom was.  She pointed to a door right across from where she sat.  

The bathroom was a single "Family" restroom.  As my son sat to do his business my daughter noticed an emergency pull cord.  She was extremely curious about it.  

"What's this mom?" she asked pointing to the red "PULL FOR HELP" cord.  "It's a thing you pull if you need help."  Naturally she wouldn't drop the subject and prodded further, "Well, what kind of help?  Why would you need help in the bathroom."  I said, "Because some people may not be feeling well and if they need help, they pull the cord and a nurse will come."  "Well, what will the nurse do?" she asked...

By this time I was getting annoyed and decided to close the discussion by telling her pulling the cord would cause fire sirens to go off, lights would start flashing, and a giant nurse would come tearing down the hall, kick down the bathroom door and run out with her over her shoulder...her bare butt showing to fellow patients in the waiting room. 

This of course prompted laughter from her.  Funny until I decided I needed to pee, that is.  

As I sat she proceeded to pretend she was pulling the "HELP" cord and yelled at the top of her lungs, "WE HAVE AN EMERGENCY HERE!  MOM HAS DIARRHEA AND LOTS OF GAS!  PLEASE HELP US GET OUT OF HERE!!!!"

I mean, so loud there was no way the receptionist didn't hear it.  And of course now we spent enough time in there waiting for my son to finish his business that it was quite plausible for people to believe I was the cause of the restroom hold up.  

Oh, and I couldn't find the receptionist to clarify what really went down.  You know, to kinda smile and say, "Kids and their 'poop' humor."  or "I just pee'd I don't have diarrhea and flatulence as you probably heard."  Or maybe I should have come out and announced, "Dang kid!  Took long enough didn't ya'?"

But then that sounds a little defensive right?

Outta here...

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